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A longer life. A happier life. A healthier life. Above all, a life that matters—so that when you leave this world, you’ll have changed it for the better. If science said you could have all this just by altering one behavior, would you?Dr. Stephen Post has been making headlines by funding studies at the nation’s top universities to prove once and for all the life-enhancing benefits of caring, kindness, and compassion. The exciting new research shows that when we give of ourselves, especially if we start young, everything from life-satisfaction to self-realization and physical health is significantly affected. Mortality is delayed. Depression is reduced. Well-being and good fortune are increased. In their life-changing new book, Why Good Things Happen to Good People, Dr. Post and journalist Jill Neimark weave the growing new science of love and giving with profoundly moving real-life stories to show exactly how giving unlocks the doors to health, happiness, and a longer life. The astounding new research includes a fifty-year study showing that people who are giving during their high school years have better physical and mental health throughout their lives. Other studies show that older people who give live longer than those who don’t. Helping others has been shown to bring health benefits to those with chronic illness, including HIV, multiple sclerosis, and heart problems. And studies show that people of all ages who help others on a regular basis, even in small ways, feel happiest. Why Good Things Happen to Good People offers ten ways to give of yourself, in four areas of life, all proven by science to improve your health and even add to your life expectancy. (And not one requires you to write a check.) The one-of-a-kind “Love and Longevity Scale” scores you on all ten ways, from volunteering to listening, loyalty to forgiveness, celebration to standing up for what you believe in. Using the lessons and guidelines in each chapter, you can create a personalized plan for a more generous life, finding the style of giving that suits you best. The astonishing connection between generosity and health is so convincing that it will inspire readers to change their lives in ways big and small. Get started today. A longer, healthier, happier life awaits you.

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……即便是被痴呆症的阴云所笼罩，她依然能够付出爱，而且接受爱。事实上，爱是她仅存的语言。这些患者向我揭示了一个简单的真理：付出是我们生命的核心。从这些深度健忘的人与他们的家人身上，我学到了许多关于付出的道理。

心理学家埃蒙斯说过：“关注、欣赏和细品生活的滋味，是健康愉快的决定性因素，而这种能力是可以练习和培养的。”埃蒙斯认为，人类总是会无意识地进入到一种“享乐跑轮”的状态中去，会很容易习惯了一种舒适愉悦，然后视其为理所当然。人脑中两个古老的区域杏仁核与伏隔核，作用是调节我们对愉悦与回报的预期，这两个区域就不可避免地命令我们总是不停地追求新的快乐。有意识地把注意力放在感激的情绪上，能遏止我们的贪心。

在2009年发表于《分子精神病学》的一项研究结果显示，正常的基因变化作用于调节神经传导素多巴胺，与人们的利他行为密切相关。人体内的多巴胺是与渴望、愉悦、回报等情绪有关的一种化学物质。研究员们研究了三百五十四个拥有超过一个孩子的家庭，发现最常见的基因分型多巴胺D4，与慷慨和付出的行为有相当密切的关联。即使是年幼的孩子，也知道去试着安慰弟弟或妹妹，大概是因为他头脑中无数个微小的爱的神经开启了体内的多巴胺。倘若真是如此，那说明大自然早已确保付出行为会带来人体内本能的回报。这也再一次验证了科学界在数年前就发现的“助人者快感”现象。

……大卫重新提出了达尔文的群体选择概念，来解释为什么人们会乐于付出。他指出，如果一个群体的成员比较愿意相互付出，这样的群体更容易存活和强大。

道歉没有效果的一个原因，是犯错者和被冒犯者对问题的看法不一致。学者们研究了犯错者的个人陈述，发现他们都倾向于把自己的所作所为淡而化之……而被冒犯者往往会把事情看得比实际更严重，其实只是因为，伤口依旧在疼痛。

学者们还发现到另一个导致道歉失败的原因，叫做“强度落差”。就是说，当我们伤害到别人的时候，对方失去的，比我们得到的要多，所以我们是无法还这个“债”的。……当犯错者努力去改进，就觉的双方应该是扯平了，但是被冒犯者还是会觉得自己应该报复，双方往往不同步。……

道歉是能疗伤的，因为它能令双方都找回自尊。道歉的行为，让我们确认我们拥有同样的价值观，那个错误不是有心故意的，我们在彼此面前都是安全的。犯错的人，已经真正为此感到痛苦，我们可以敞开心扉讨论这件事。道歉需要发自内心深处，诚恳地说：“我对此非常抱歉。”

顽强是勇敢者的核心品质。根据加州大学艾尔文分校“坚强研究所”创办人萨尔瓦多·麦迪的研究显示，顽强，是由三个C组成的：使命感（commitment）、控制（control）、挑战（challenge）。麦迪认为，对抗困境的能力，是可以被教授和训练的，这种能力可以对人的身体健康起到很好的保护作用。麦迪也认为三C之中的challenge（挑战），是良好的成长契机。

经过四十年的研究，我发现对争议的坚持，与以下几个因素密切相关：对公正的敏感度、站在他人的角度看问题的能力、感受他人的痛楚、从心理上和道德上都有所回应。对正义、勇气、顽强和转变的研究也发现，勇气所具备的所有特质，都让我们勇于与伤害抗衡。……

真正的勇气，是忍受与信任

当你确认了自己的压力类型后，就应该尝试以乐观的心态来面对问题。对于突然性压力，你应该能够想到一个快速应对的方案。而长期性的压力，你应该随着时间的推移，学着随时调整应对的方法。要知道，你的人生很重要，值得全力以赴。请相信改变自己的处境，能让你的生命更有意义。

怎样给别人最好的鼓励？

愿意直面世界上的痛苦。

莎翁笔下的罗密欧说：“给你的越多，我就拥有越多，无论施与受都是无穷无尽的”

书籍介绍

A longer life. A happier life. A healthier life. Above all, a life that matters—so that when you leave this world, you’ll have changed it for the better. If science said you could have all this just by altering one behavior, would you?Dr. Stephen Post has been making headlines by funding studies at the nation’s top universities to prove once and for all the life-enhancing benefits of caring, kindness, and compassion. The exciting new research shows that when we give of ourselves, especially if we start young, everything from life-satisfaction to self-realization and physical health is significantly affected. Mortality is delayed. Depression is reduced. Well-being and good fortune are increased. In their life-changing new book, Why Good Things Happen to Good People, Dr. Post and journalist Jill Neimark weave the growing new science of love and giving with profoundly moving real-life stories to show exactly how giving unlocks the doors to health, happiness, and a longer life. The astounding new research includes a fifty-year study showing that people who are giving during their high school years have better physical and mental health throughout their lives. Other studies show that older people who give live longer than those who don’t. Helping others has been shown to bring health benefits to those with chronic illness, including HIV, multiple sclerosis, and heart problems. And studies show that people of all ages who help others on a regular basis, even in small ways, feel happiest. Why Good Things Happen to Good People offers ten ways to give of yourself, in four areas of life, all proven by science to improve your health and even add to your life expectancy. (And not one requires you to write a check.) The one-of-a-kind “Love and Longevity Scale” scores you on all ten ways, from volunteering to listening, loyalty to forgiveness, celebration to standing up for what you believe in. Using the lessons and guidelines in each chapter, you can create a personalized plan for a more generous life, finding the style of giving that suits you best. The astonishing connection between generosity and health is so convincing that it will inspire readers to change their lives in ways big and small. Get started today. A longer, healthier, happier life awaits you.